well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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