Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Randomize
