found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
