A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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