at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
