There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
