theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
