I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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