I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You may now shotgun with the bride
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
