I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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