Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just high enough for therapy.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
