He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
