Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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