Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize