as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
