i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
