U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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