just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
