I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
