I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
