The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Help me help you realize you are a moron
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
