I think I am morally bankrupt
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Hippo gnu deer
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
