Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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