Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
