i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
