I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
