Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
