the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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