I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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