it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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