Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
