you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
