I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
