Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
