I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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