Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
