I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize