its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
