Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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