at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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