You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
