it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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