I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
