can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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