Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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