i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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