He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
