I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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