when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize