there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
