kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize