I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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