he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
not ubering you a puppy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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