That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
