so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
