youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
