yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
