why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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