just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
