Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
