i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
