Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
