if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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