I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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