Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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