I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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