I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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