My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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