Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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