I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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