Don't you send me to vm
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
