dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
