Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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