you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
