They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
