I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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