yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Couch. On fire.
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