we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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