marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
