just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
