do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
