You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize