My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My balls are so social today.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
