Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
