i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
