i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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