I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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