He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
whose parrot is this?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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