im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
