i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
