I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
