I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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