I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
