Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
