Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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